Magic Pants

To guys, pants are a piece of clothing that keeps delicate things warm and protected while providing convenient pockets to hold wallets, scraps of random paper and loose change. To a woman, what starts as a simple piece of cloth and some thread goes through a transformation that turns them in to something powerful and unique. Something magical.

A woman can try on hundreds of pairs of pants trying to find just the right one. It's more than just finding the right waist size and length. It's finding that pair that makes your butt look good, makes your calves look shapely and hides that mommy roll right below your belly button. A pair of pants like that can lift your mood, put a smile on your face and make you feel like a million dollars. The magical perfect pair can boost your confidence and put a spring in your step and, if a woman doesn't have a pair, she actively searches for one every time she gets anywhere near a mall.

My pair of magic pants comes in the form of a cute pair a denim capris. I got them at a thrift store 2 years ago. I bought them because they were the right size, but I did not try them on. At $3.75 I wasn't too worried if they didn't fit. Turns out they didn't at the time. I could barely pull them up and there was no way in hell I could button them or pull up the zipper without doing serious damage to myself. Since they were cute and I was hopeful that someday I would lose weight, I put them in the back of a dresser drawer and there they sat until last Summer. 

During a clothing clean-out (I had lost weight after starting low carb), I found them again. I tried them on and this time I could get them up AND button them. They were still tight, but compared to last year, I could see improvement. I even braved wearing them for one day in August, though they did make me a bit uncomfortable. As it got cooler, I tucked them away again and didn't find them again until today.

I am tired of the cold weather and decided that even though it was going to be cool today, I was also tired of wearing long pants. I wanted to wear my cute capris. I cautiously slid them on and was totally surprised that, not only could I button them, but I could zip them up and they were a little loose in the waist. There was even room in the seat! I instantly felt euphoria and began dancing around the bedroom. I even braved the scale and I was down 2 lbs over the past 2 weeks. More dancing ensued. My husband gave me "the look" as I tried to explain to him the wonders of a woman's pair of magical pants. Then he pulled on his boring, non-magical guy jeans and immediately stuffed the pockets with loose change and random bits of note paper.

The magic of the pants has stayed with my throughout the day. I have checked myself in the mirror several times....which is something I normally don't do. I have stayed cheerful despite the fact that it is gloomy outside AGAIN and the size of the stack of work on my desk has doubled. There is also a pile of laundry and a small mountain of dishes waiting for me at home. But who cares? My butt looks good today. It is amazing what some fabric, arranged in the proper configuration, can do for a woman.

Adventures in Family Cooking

Most of our meals are prepared from scratch and I am always looking for ways to make tasty healthy food at the lowest possible cost. Someone suggested recently that I give pork neck bones a try. This is a dish often served "down South". Being from "up North", I had never tried them, but many people had described very flavorful meals that you can make from this particular cut. When I found a package in my local Safeway for $1.49/lb. I decided to give them a try. Sure it was a package of bones, but there was an awful lot of meat on them. This allowed me to quiet my Tightwad side ("$1.49 for a pack of stupid bones? Are you crazy!") long enough to get them out of the store.

Cooking them in the crock pot seemed like a good idea. I wasn't sure what the final product would be, but slow cooked tender pork always leaves many different opportunities for a tasty dinner. I spiced the meat covered bones and put them in the slow cooker in late afternoon. I checked on them a few hours later and noticed they did not produce a lot of liquid like some pork chop cuts do, so I added water, some more spices and just left it on low to cook overnight. Before bed I checked on it one more time, and it appeared to have cooked down quite a bit. That was disappointing and my Tightwad side started up again. ("SEE! I told you that was way too much to pay for a stupid bag of bones!")

As I was thinking of nasty retorts to Tightwad voice, my husband walked up behind me and said "That meat is really tasty, but it sure does have a lot of bones!".

After mentally flipping off my Tightwad side I turned to my husband and lovingly said, "Hey stupid! Those are neck bones! Of COURSE there are a lot of bones in it. I am cooking them up to use for a soup or stew or something. Now stay the hell out of the crock pot!"

What remained of the neck bones was left to cook overnight, and in the morning, eyes still bleary, I pulled the meat out of the liquid and put it in a large bowl to cool off so I could start the deboning process. Since I wanted to take care of that before going to work, I placed the bowl in the refrigerator and went to take a shower. After getting myself ready, getting my son off to school, and listening to my husband describe the day's early financial news in excruciating detail, I went to the kitchen to take care of those pork bones.

Something was wrong when I pulled out the bowl. It still being morning (which is NOT my best time of the day) and my brain being numbed by listening to interest rates, foreign markets, and something about a nerdy looking guy named Bernanke, it took a minute to register. Apparently there was shrinkage. The pile looked so much smaller. Tightwad voice quickly emerged from the economics induced stupor and was about to start mouthing off again when the rest of the brain woke up. A quick glance in the trash showed 3 large pork bones, almost half of what should have been in the bowl sitting on top of the pile.

He did it again! Husband had gotten in to the crockpot! I started yelling as he flew out the front door claiming he had a meeting and didn't have time to talk. The truth was he did have a meeting but didn't have time to go to the emergency room first if I ever got a hold of him.

I deboned what little was left of the pile and added it back to the liquid. I had found an opened jar of diced green chilis in the fridge and thought that might go well with the pork. I added cilantro, red peppers and anything else I could think of to the mix and tasted it. It WAS good. A little THIN, but good. I figured that despite my husbands interference, I could really make something out of it. I still had a 1lb package of pork sausage in the freezer (bought with Tightwad's assistance...99¢/lb managers special thankyouverymuch!) and if I added that, it would be a nice, thick tasty Southwest pork stew. I pulled out the pork sausage to thaw, and planned on browning that up at lunch and adding it to what was left of the pork meat.

Life messed up my schedule (as usual) and I didn't get home until late. By the time I made it home, husband had been there with my son for a couple of hours, and when I walked in the door, I had totally forgotten about my ealier cooking attemp. I was tired and weak with hunger and dreading having to make something. I walked through the living room and into the kitchen and then saw the bowl I had placed the frozen pork sausage in to thaw. It was empty. Memories returned as I rushed to the crock pot. It was almost empty. All that was left was a tiny bit of brown liquid on the bottom and a few green chili fragments stuck to the sides. Just then husband yelled from the living room "I saved you some soup!"

The fact that I hadn't eaten anything for most of the day probably saved my husband's life. I still don't know if I would consider neck bones to be a good bargain. I guess if you are a man married to a woman who cooks, they are a fantastic deal. If you are a woman trying to cook a descent meal for yourself as well as your family, you may have to pick up a side of steak to keep you nourished through the cooking process. Or maybe you just need a new accessory for your crock pot - like a lock...or possibly even an ill-tempered Doberman. Now if you can just convince Tightwad to turn over the check book...